So What's an Emotion Anyway?

Part 3 in a series on emotional intelligence...

Emotions are in fact the fabric of our lives.  If you've not yet read the previous post in this series - Everyone Has An EQ History - What's Yours? - then you'll want to as it 's a useful prelude to this next post and it explains in detail how that fabric is formed. Also, all previous post links are listed below.

I've mentioned through-out this series that my goal is to make emotional intelligence approachable, so in this post we're going to look at this simple question, "What is an emotion?"

An emotion is an impulse to act.  The root of the word "emotion" (latin) is motere - the verb for move, with the prefix "e", to "move away."* This definition suggest that the need to act is inherit in every emotion. Perhaps another way to frame it is the need to express. 

Additionally you could say that "impulse is the medium of emotion; the seed of all impulse is a feeling bursting to express itself in action."** The key to emotional intelligence then is how we manage this need in the context of expression or impulse.

Those who are serious researchers on the subject of emotions suggest that are core emotions, family clusters of emotions and dimensions of emotions.  Here is one example taken from Dr. Goleman's book: Emotional Intelligence of lead emotions in family clusters: anger, sadness, fear, enjoyment, love, surprise, disgust, shame.***

These are all feelings we can relate to. We probably can recall stories from childhood and adulthood in which these emotions were experienced. And if you can, that's great! In fact that is the first step in being and developing emotional maturity - being able and willing to identify them in ourselves.

On a personal note and from the world of my psycho-spiritual studies, I also characterize emotions simply as energy.  I think it's also safe to say that we are constantly in an emotional state of some kind. We just may not be aware of it. Emotions are not only the fabric of our lives - they are the driving force - again, whether we aware of it or not.

So, in it's simplest terms, emotions are impulses or energy that calls for expression and expressed it is - from the slightest muscle twitch in someone's face to the passion of building a company.  Boy - is that a range!  

The great news is seeing emotions in this way makes them much easier to approach - especially if you see them without judgement and only see them as energy or an impulse.  Of course we learned from the previous post that our EQ history may have created judgements around certain emotions. If that is the case, I'd like to suggest that we suspend judgment on any emotion for the moment, but just see them as i energy or an impulse.

I'd like for this post of a simple, approachable explanation of emotions to serve as a doorway into knowing ourselves in a more intimate way.  Now here's the thing - not everyone wants to walk through that door.  And this is the key - without the willingness to do so, you cannot grow.  Not only that, you cannot use your potential, maximize your talent or even attain certain outcomes you desire in your life.

Here's an example: I was speaking with a colleague yesterday about a client who is an owner-operator of a company who recently invested thousands of dollars in assessment tools to evaluate his employees in an effort to grow the profits of his company.  In debriefing the use of this tool,  the effectiveness of it's use continually circled back to the abrasive, alienating leadeship /management style of the owner. No matter how much my colleague tried to help him (and he is an exceptionally skilled executive coach) see that his style was and would continue to generate the opposite effect of what he wanted he refused to see or believe otherwise. 

Embedded in his EQ history were stories of self-protection, the inability to allow mistakes, direct hard nose parenting he experienced as a young child that was reflected in his current leadership style. That history also produced a severely handicapped ability for him to be empathetic, emotionally vulnerable, to honor the different motivational needs of his staff and to see that hard nose parenting is not an effective operational leadership style for his team or his company that is continually facing increased, pressing competition.

By the way, this is why I am presenting this series on my HR blog.  His story is being replicated everyday across the business landscape and as HR professionals we need to be equipped to advise and help or get help.  Why?...because a leader's EQ history can and does directly impact a company's bottom line!

Ultimately this business owner continued to resist looking at his destructive impact and insisted that his way would work (though it was clear it hadn't been). In the meeting, he was acting in a very emotionally "unintelligence" way.  His push back with the coach was really representative of him pushing back on the pain of his upbringing that he would need to unlock, reveal, and deal with to move him to a different place in his leadership. Simply put, he was unwilling to use this opportunity to grow emotionally - to develop his emotional intelligence. 

Please know as a HR professional no assessment or "training class" will address this!!!  Millions of dollars are wasted in our industry with this band aid approach.  It's like applying a band aid when surgery is needed. The best solution is direct one-on-one coaching and it will only work if the person is willing to do the work of introspection and revelation in an atmosphere of trust and safety. 

Also know, this is fairly common among top leaders. In fact in a recent post at the acclaimed blog Leadership Freak there was a discussion around this truth: Leaders want to change circumstances rather than changing themselves. ow.ly/j2OFk

In conclusion, knowing and working with our emotions is essential to having the life we want personally and professional. On a broader note, if we hold any form of leadership the impact of this capability cannot be escaped.  In fact the more leadership responsibility we have, the more exposure there is. The irony - it's also the arena in which leaders want the least exposure around this topic. Let's not be deceived, our ability to work with our emotions will be revealed one way or the other.

The emotional life of a leader needs vigilant attention and yet it is the least addressed, valued or cared for area of leadership in most corporate cultures.

Next up: How is emotional intelligence practically demonstrated.

Notations: Emotionally Intelligence, *p.6 **p.xii ***p. 289

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Twitter: @joanncorley |  Facebook |  This Blog on Kindle |  On the app | Subscribe via email - see top right column | Follow the hash tag #EQ-#EI

Beginning resources for this series:Book rec. #1 - Emotional Intelligence and his follow-up book related to corporate application 
Book rec #2  - Working With Emotional Intelligence

Additionally I recommend you take a EQ test yourself - here is a resource for that as well: 
Book rec #3 - The Quickbook to Emotional Intelligence

My website: Interview questions, studies, and an outline of EQ & Me Workshop that you can bring to your organization.
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The Series:
Intro: You & The Subject of EQ  |  Part 1: Intro: A Different Kind of Smart  |  Part 2: Everyone Has An EQ History - What's Yours?